12.27.2021

 December 27th, 2021 DOBERMAN

Good morning, my beautiful readers. I woke up this morning feeling, at most, mediocre. I have been bedridden with COVID for the past week, stuck with less-than-pleasant thoughts about my future and income. I have reached the fabulous age of 22. This is not really an accomplishment unless there is life to show for it, or at least this is what we are taught to believe. Scrolling endlessly on Instagram and watching uncountable episodes of Broad City did nothing but make me feel more mediocre than I thought I was. I often compare myself to the skinny, glass-like models I see on popular social media platforms. These women are the doberman pinschers of the fashion world. Their bodies are (supposedly) sculpted like statues. Their hair is healthy, long. They have power simply because they display the idea of it. But, what about the other breeds? Don't they matter, too? Why, yes they do. However, the doberman pinscher is beautiful AND useful to the powerful "man". She works to earn her meal. She restricts her diet and pleasure to protect her owner. At what cost? Is it worth it? I have found that (from experience) becoming this breed is exhausting, but can be very satisfying if successful for a short moment. How will she know she's reached the top? One might say she has a perceived view that she's received man's acceptance. This reward is enough for most women, but not all. Some would rather accomplish something bigger. How can one actually have complete life satisfaction if her reward is found in another being altogether? Why not become that being? Why are we searching for acceptance in man when we could become just as powerful, if not more? There is a secret recipe to displaying top-breed qualities without sacrificing freedom from the leash. 

"We see the doberman pinscher in the lap of a young bachelor. In comparison, a female in the lap of her male interest."

RECIPE FOR DISPLAYING TOP-BREED QUALITIES

(NO SACRIFICES REQUIRED)

a body (any shape will work)

a favorite perfume

that "one" outfit

a platonic relationship

an "aesthetic" atmosphere

an alcoholic or caffeinated beverage

an ability to recognize creative or cognitive abilities

Before beginning, be sure that all sexual possibilities are out of the workspace. This will make it more difficult to use the required ingredients to their full potential. Once space is clear of any inconveniences, it is time to start working. Take your body and douse in any desired perfume. It is not necessary to clean the body prior to this step, as natural oils and scents will add to the uniqueness of the final product. However, bathing is encouraged for general upkeep. Perfume will not only rid the body of any bad luck but will encourage glances when passing by other bodies. Next, clothe your body with that "one" outfit you've been wanting to wear. It can be of any color or fabric, as long as it does not encourage negativity or restrict movement, as this makes the final product less desirable to oneself. It is important that all aspects of the outfit be considered, including jewelry and accessories. After the outfit has been placed on your body, call up a platonic relationship and schedule a day to get together. This relationship can be on any spectrum but must be neutral in manner. This ingredient is key to the recipe, as companionship must be found in areas other than sex. Once this relationship has been contacted and a date set, pick an aesthetic atmosphere to enjoy company with. This can be a park, restaurant, or a simple room with sunlight. However, you must be able to peacefully enjoy the atmosphere. In addition, it might be wise to pick a spot where a sexual interest does not have the authority to touch you or your relationship. This means that dance clubs or lounges are less desirable. (Note, these atmospheres might be useful for other recipes.) Next, gather a beverage of either alcoholic or caffeinated nature. One can use beverages of other realms, but the experience may be viewed as less important. Finally, one must recognize her own cognitive or creative abilities. One does this by talking about important topics, reputable people, or significant events in her life. She might also talk about possible bachelors, but with caution, as these conversations often lead to unnecessary sacrifices. Use intuition when deciding to leave out specific ingredients, as some are not obligatory to all who use this recipe. In addition, this recipe is welcome to be used by anyone but is designed by a modern woman. Therefore, there may be limitations to all others who use the recipe. This recipe may need to be changed depending on the person who uses it. Take all cultural, social, and political preferences into consideration as this will also change the desired outcome. 

This recipe might be highly desired by a woman who wants the qualities of the doberman, but does not want to sacrifice her personal values or $$$ to achieve this. Best of luck to all who attempt to use this recipe. Please suggest any changes or updates to the recipe in the comments. 

Your Everyday Lady,

Ellie Renée

Sources: 

https://photos.com/featured/woman-seated-on-mans-lap-in-chair-bettmann.html

https://dobermansden.com/who-is-this-man/